After returning home from the first morning of chemo, Michelle rested most of that afternoon. You really have no idea what your body has in store for you, especially after your first chemo treatment. So as a patient you tend to be a little nervous as the hours slowly pass after going home.
As Michelle’s husband, I began to do what would become a habit. I would check on her about every ten minutes or so. I’m sure it didn’t take long for me to start driving her crazy with the constant “how are you feeling, baby?”. But she never said anything about it bothering her, though. I am sure that she knew it made me feel better and that it was my way of coping. I just wanted to make sure she was alright, after all.
The next morning we returned to the oncology office for Michelle to have her dressing change and injection. This injection is given to many chemo patients the day after chemo treatment to promote the new growth of white blood cells. As it turns out, this injection can cause more side effects than chemo itself. It tends to make your body hurt and ache in places that is trying to promote these rapid growths of white blood cells. It was at this point that Michelle’s body began the steady decline for the next few days.
She stated that it could be compared to having a real bad case of the flu virus. Just getting out of bed in the morning became a chore. And I will not lie, having difficulties with daily tasks, myself, only magnified the issues with our daily routine. It would only be with God’s guidance and help from friends and family that would allow us to succeed.
But I must admit, God instilled strength in me that I never even knew I had. And I was determined to prove to myself and everyone else that I could care for Michelle. Mealtime would almost become comical as I would almost destroy Michelle’s kitchen in preparing each meal. It was very important that Michelle eat three meals a day, especially because of her low weight at the onset of treatment. So there I was, removing each meal from the microwave and sitting the plate on the floor, and scooting it to her while trying my best to not only keep the food on the plate but also keep the dogs away from it!
During an earlier appointment with Michelle’s oncologist, Michelle was informed that she was going to lose her hair during chemo treatment. I don’t believe either of us really believed that this was indeed going to happen. Or maybe it was just denial. In either case, Michelle became more and more confident with each passing day after her first treatment that she would defy the odds and be that person who was able to maintain her hair.
A week passed, celebrated her birthday. She was thrilled that on her birthday she still had a head full of hair. And just as important, she was beginning to feel like herself again. And then it came. The week after her birthday she was washing her hair and suddenly I heard her scream for me to come to her. I can’t tell you how I knew, but before I even got up from my chair, I knew.
As I approached Michelle, it was heart-wrenching to see her standing there with clumps of hair in her hands. I remember just standing and holding her as she cried. I knew how bad she had wanted to keep her hair.
Chemo had become real, once again. A little surprising, but I was able to talk Michelle into going to the beauty shop and having her head shaved. This would give her a sense of control over the situation and help her cope. The stylist was so sweet to Michelle and even held her hand and gave her lots of hugs. She didn’t even charge a fee. It was just one example of the kind things that had been done for us. Almost as quick as dealing with this traumatic experience,
Michelle remembered what my cousin, Donia had told her in the case that she lost her hair. “You learn to rock that bald head!” And that is exactly what Michelle did! She began to wear all the stylish hats that she had bought. Not even the loss of hair was going to keep Michelle down for long. So again, Michelle handled the situation with grace and pride.