That weekend following Michelle’s breast biopsy proved to be anything but a time for rest. Most of this time was spent either still in shock, or just plain anger. I mean how could this be even happening to us? Aren’t we good people? Surely this is just some nightmare that I have not awakened from! But of course, it was not.
What made those two days even more restless was the fact we were forced to wait until sometime Monday for a telephone call from the lab doctor to give us the conclusive results from the biopsy. That Monday afternoon at 1:05 p.m. we received the call that not only confirmed cancer of the left breast, but also lymph nodes involvement of the left armpit. It was utter devastation all over again.
I can remember Michelle crying and telling me how cold and callous this doctor sounded as he gave her the results. I believe that some doctors are so used to delivering such news, that sometimes they forget the human side of practicing medicine. I quickly remembered my former supervisor and now friend, Mary Cowan, who had battled breast cancer herself nearly a decade ago. I advised Michelle to call Mary to seek advice and perhaps some guidance as to how to handle such a medical crisis. Little did we know at that moment, that one phone conversation turned into a daily routine of reassuring conversations, advice, and an overall voice of calming that was just what was needed through all the madness that had seemed never-ending.
On May 1, 2014, Michelle underwent an EKG that morning to make sure her heart would be strong enough to handle chemotherapy. I vividly remember not being able to calm my wife much before they even began this procedure. Everything was just happening too fast! Even after a couple of weeks to absorb this type of news. It was still too much to comprehend. That same afternoon after the EKG, we were expected back at the hospital to have Michelle’s PICC line placed in her arm for chemotherapy and any other procedure that she might have over the next several months. I sat out in the waiting area with Mary as the technicians threaded the tiny tubes through Michelle’s veins.
I would say in all it took approximately half an hour to complete. But again, to me, even thirty seconds away from Michelle at this point would have been thirty seconds too long! My brain is still centered on one question. What in the hell did Michelle do to deserve cancer? I guess I should ask that question for anyone diagnosed with cancer, or any other life-threatening disease. But at that time, it was difficult for me to understand or make much sense of anything going on at this time.
The one thing I did know, however, was this was not the time to lose faith in God. Was I upset with him? Perhaps. But as I know, God did not do this. But what God was doing, however, was calling Michelle and I to come closer to him. And I sincerely believe that!
I can not speak for everyone and I will not even attempt to do so. But for many years now I have strayed from walking closely with God. That tends to happen when you “conveniently” put everything else in your life before Him. I am not saying this is the reason for Michelle’s cancer. Because it is absolutely not. It was just the event that pulled me back close to his presence. But as I continue to tell this story, you’ll see that this did not happen immediately. There were many up and downs to occur throughout the next several months that might test one’s faith.